Abstract

Spiritual turmoil, often overlooked in academic discourse, challenges identity, purpose, and meaning. This study explores spiritual turmoil through autoethnographic research, grounded in the researcher’s lived experiences during a doctoral journey. It addresses the gap in understanding the existential dimensions of learning and growth. Findings reveal that spiritual turmoil emerges gradually, influenced by life transitions, emotional stress, and existential uncertainties, often amplified by academic pressures. Key manifestations include a loss of meaning, social withdrawal, emotional and identity confusion, and questioning of values and purpose. In academic settings, this turmoil intersects with learning, as high workloads, misaligned personal and institutional goals, and competitive environments intensify its effects. While disrupting academic focus, spiritual turmoil acts as a catalyst for self-discovery, fostering psychological transformation, deeper reflection, and the realignment of personal and academic objectives. This research underscores how crises of meaning, though distressing, lead to renewed purpose and intellectual growth. By integrating autoethnographic insights with an exploration of spirituality in academia, the study offers a unique lens on navigating inner conflict and renewal. It provides valuable implications for educators, researchers, and learners, highlighting the transformative potential of spiritual turmoil in reshaping the intersection of education, personal growth, and existential meaning.

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